the feminine staple
This morning I decided to go to the market early. After getting everything on my list I stopped in the book aisles to see what was new. I was pleased.
There was one section that forced me to stop and it was of course it was”self-help”. What was interesting this time were these little books called Pocket Posh (imagine a registered trademark symbol here, THANK YOU!). Interesting because they were witty, themed and seemingly aimed directly at women by their ornate covers and pocket-size. I was close to buying one but didn’t.
This isn’t my normal post about how much we are dependant upon women to do or be but this is a different post about what else a woman is.
Yesterday I spoke with a dear friend who is, and has been for at least 20 years, struggling with self-actualization. He needed someone to talk to and for whatever reason (no back patting here) he chose me. We talked for about 30 minutes (via text message) as he explained how much of a depression the constant conflict with his wife has thrown him into. His ding dong moment was when he said “I can somewhat deal with not having her in my life. I have been dealing with loving my family and they have done much worse. My problem is lack of money and stability”. Immediately afterwards, I asked him to realize that he has entrusted his wife with his own feelings of self-worth and co-dependency. His world is crumbling because he has been nudged one time to many by the reality that he really has never had a loving and kind relationship…hence this one. What stuck out for me the most is the monumental fact that right or wrong he believes his wife to be a means of stability for him.
Ok Tiff, where is this going? Well, I will give you a hint. For centuries women have been a back bone. They have been expectant of duties and roles but I am not so sure they have been expectant to just be who they are. As with this example and countless others (including my own relationships) people are comfortable having a feminine staple bear weight and responsibility and the retort is simple “you can do it, you are the all-powerful woman!”. It leaves me at wondering if the women who have muttered obscurities and denounced being belittled to constant tidy-ups and back seat driving just got tired of being a staple or key contributor to stability? It also leaves me wondering if the author of Pocket Posh recognized that women need more smarts, more roles and more responsibility so by buying her series she, the buyer, would magically inherent the secrets to handling more? Probably not, she probably just found a need and filled it. Of course, I don’t have a firm answer for myself. Remember, the shrink consorts a shrink and I will do just that to help me understand it all. Until then, if there is a woman or women that you find remarkable at holding it all in and together please do what you can to appreciate her presence more so than her contribution. After all, who strives to be a staple remover? I didn’t think so….