by introspekdt123

This weekend I participated in the laying to rest of my last living grandmother. Her name is Mozella Crout and she lived a long 84 years. I was honored to be a part of. 

I realized as I slighted her coffin for my seat that I couldn’t bring myself to a heavy and solidified mourning. I knew I was supposed to be engaged in a “celebration” but I couldn’t help take notice of those around who were doing the exact opposite. They were quiet and somber including the first love of all my lives, my father.

You see, my grandmother is the woman whom I spent the first 10 or so summers of my life with. She is the woman who taught me far more than my own mother ever did and whom I contribute to much of who I am today. I remember her stern and broadened but not so much so that anyone considered her miserly, she was the very epitome of a woman and to me she still is. She believed what she knew and held on to her beliefs by her actions. She arrayed confidence and wisdom like it was was the best Sunday hat she could find..she had all of the best of the world. I admired her for all seasons and wanted to remember her as my grandmother and not as a woman who was laid out for spectators and sung over in a carrying tune. I want to remember her as I do now. 

I have to share all of the anguish I found myself feeling as I sat while her services realizing that while I have spent this much of my life with her and found myself easily able to identify with who I believed she was when it hit me. It was the fact that I really didn’t know my grandmother at all or at least what I did know of her, I chose to forget. 

My reality has always been that while I am to keep track of losses of a sort, I am dually obligated to tally and flaunt the gains that reign as far more superior. Regardless of the way I “feel” about anything and anyone, the one thing I have always known is that I intimately and open-heartedly know GOD. There is a beginning and there is an end but what GOES does in the middle is all I have learned and what counts. 

The ancestors have prepared a comfortable place for my grandmother. I thank and praise them today. Ashe’